Preface: The three or four of you who read this blog already know that "yay! I'm pregnant!" so I'm skipping the whole "yay! I'm pregnant!" post. Not to worry, I'll also be skipping the seemingly obligatory belly shots. I'm in my 18th week now, and I just look like a college girl halfway through her freshman year, so you're not missing much. Also, I'm pretty sure I've been gone from this blog for so long (with good reason, you see) that the three or four of you who read it have found better things to do with your time. I don't blame you one bit.
Here's the deal: I blame the rom-coms.
I blame them for teaching me everything I thought I needed to know about pregnancy, but for teaching it to me all wrong.
Because despite what those cute and fun films would have you believe, pregnancy is neither cute nor fun. Take morning sickness, for example. It's not like in the movies where the girl goes to brunch with her friends, gets sick, and tells them she thinks she's pregnant only to feel great! for the next 36 weeks. And take the name: morning sickness. You'd think it would have something to do with the morning, right? Well, not for me. For me, mornings, although not great, have pretty much been my best time of day. But thanks to the rom-coms, I'd never heard of afternoon sickness, or evening sickness, or night sickness, all of which I have experienced every day. For months. I just had no idea. And I didn't know the fear that would come with it all: that I'd be afraid to leave the house in case I got sick; that I'd be afraid of never feeling well again; or, if I did actually feel okay for a minute, that I'd be afraid something had happened to the baby. I had no idea that just the idea of food would make me sick, or the smell of it, or the sight of it, let alone all three of those in combination. I had no idea that just brushing my teeth would make me sick, or riding in the car, or going from lying down to sitting up too quickly. And I had no idea I'd cry so much, for pretty much no reason at all aside from not feeling well. I honestly just had no idea. And for all of that, I blame the rom-coms.
(For all of that, Tod and I also are firmly convinced that this baby is a girl. We'll find out later this month if we're right.)
So although I sound totally bitter about all of this, I want you to know that I'm not bitter at all. To the contrary, I feel so unbelievably blessed even though real world pregnancy is not cute and fun like rom-com pregnancy. Real world pregnancy, at least for me, has been the most humbling experience; that's the best way I can describe it. I am so very humbled--by the fact that I'm not as tough as I thought I was; by the fact that I cannot control most of what is happening; and by the fact that I've been given this opportunity. But mostly, I'm humbled by the fact that it's not about me any more. I'm starting to think that's the point of it all.
In other news, Zelda got a haircut last weekend. She's still our baby for a while.